batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
