im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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