that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
