i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
