You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
