I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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