shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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