we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
