what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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