call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
