after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
