hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
