I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
