It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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