It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
