You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I see more hoeing in ur future
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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