You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
