maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
