whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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