Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
