tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
