Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
