I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
