Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
