he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
