Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
