I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
