No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
did you just send me my own nude
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
