Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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