Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
