Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
