Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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