Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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