I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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