By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
