I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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