That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
