So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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