my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
