dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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