Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
