Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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