I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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