Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
