I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
