I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
