I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
