Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
