Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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