I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
