I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
