whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
