He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
